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To Our Dearest Caroline How do you even begin to describe Caroline? She's not a noun, she's more like an adjective, as in, "Oh, that's so Caroline!" After trying to come up with the perfect way to try and describe her, I finally realized there is no way that you can just sum her up. No one can make anyone laugh harder, she was so generous - even if she'd just gotten a lump sum of just a little money from somewhere, she would be giving it away. If you tried to tell her, "NO, it's your money, hang on to it!" She'd just say, "Well, I can do it right now, so you're going to take it." And then she'd rattle off names of other people she thought needed some money too. And stubborn! We had an unspoken agreement to not discuss politics because she was a rabid Democrat and just couldn't see the errors of her way and admit that Republicans were destined to rule the world. That's a joke, she's probably in heaven shaking her fist at me. I was going to throw in a couple of anecdotes of Caroline Stories, but there are so many I had a hard time trying to whittle it down to just a few. One of Caroline's favorite stories was the time she and I came up with the great idea that I would tow her in our wagon by a rope tied to my bike. In fact, it was pure genius! Everything was fine going UP the street, but going DOWN I don't think we realized that there was a pretty good-sized grade on the rode going back toward the driveway. The rope was tied to the handle of the wagon; she didn't actually have the handle in her hand because going up the hill, the rope was pulled taut. Going back down the hill I was pedaling along, probably marveling at our clever idea, and looked over to my right just as Caroline was beginning to pass me up in the wagon! Since she didn't have the handle, she had no control over the direction the wagon would go. We both looked at each other, our mouths dropped open, and I tried pedaling faster and faster. This was one of our least successful ideas. We hit the bump going into the driveway, she flew one way, I went another, and I'm not sure where the bike and wagon ended up. I know we wiped out pretty good, but we were invincible then, and we never ever stopped laughing about it. I think we both had images of the surprised looks on each other faces when she started to pass me up in the red wagon. I can still picture those big green eyes and her mouth open as we were probably beginning to realize that this wasn't going right. There's just one other funny memory I'll mention that we never stopped laughing about. The other night, while I was crying, I remembered this and ended up all alone in my room laughing like a fool! This also took place at the house we were all living in, in Bonita, California. Big, big house - one wing that was an add-on, and I'm guessing it's where the rowdy kids slept (that would be the boys, Brian, Phil and Matt in one room, and Caroline and me in the other). One night we were both sitting up on the top bunk bed and we were calling our dog Blue (a beagle) into our room. She didn't come, and didn't come, so I tried barking like a beagle. This made Caroline laugh, and since it didn't take much to egg me on, I began barking and howling louder and louder, and Caroline kept laughing harder and harder. But it was bound to happen. The dreaded footsteps of Dad walking down the hallway toward our room. We knew by the sound of the footsteps that it wasn't going to be a pleasant chat we were going to have with him. We both jumped off the bed, and for some unknown reason, ran into our closet and huddled together. We didn't hear anything, and we were whispering "do you think he's there?" "I don't know," "should we check?" Anyway, the closet door slid open quietly, and there were Dad's shoes, neither one of us dared look up at his face. The only thing I could think of to say was, "Oh, these shoes are such a mess!" and started arranging shoes. The only thing Dad said, quietly but sternly, "Act your age," and then shut the door again. Instead of being penitent about our behavior, we just fell on top of each other, laughing hysterically and rolling around in a pitch dark closet. Can you imagine having to try and keep nine kids in some kind of control? Trying to contain just Caroline and me must have been a real picnic. But at least it gave the two of us great joy for the past 30 years or so! There are too many of these little stories, and I will never forget them or stop laughing about them. I wish she was here to still laugh with me, but I have a feeling she is. I wonder how many times Dad and Mom heard the lines, "It's not my fault, she's the one making me laugh!" or "We have no idea why there's an ashtray in our room!" or "We're not smoking ANYTHING, it's a new kind of incense!" So many days of just hanging out with friends around the pool or at the beach. She was so much more to me than a sister, she was my friend and I can't imagine my life without Caroline. I've been wanting to tell you Colin, that (and I know you know this), but you are the greatest love of your mom's life. She wanted a baby so bad, and when she found out she was expecting, she was on the proverbial Cloud 9. From the day you were born, you were the most important person to ever come into her life. These days, even the next few years, are going to be hard on you. But as time goes by, it will get easier to bear. She's so proud of you, Colin. You are a very, very special person and although things have been tough for you both, you've hung in there with her and you've been so lucky to have a mom who had so much love and laughter in her heart, and was able to pass that along to you. She's one of a kind, and you are too. And for all of the Grunke Clan! I'll do this by age (sorry Trish), but Trisha, Brian, Anne, Phil and Matt - she loves you guys so much. Even if you didn't see each other too often, I don't think we ever had a conversation without her mentioning you. I've been lucky enough to be able to stay in touch with Caroline, Brian and Phil (we've been really lucky to have Phil come out and visit us here a couple of times now). I have nothing but good memories of the days we spent together as a very large family. It was so great! I remember when all eleven of us went to a small Mexican restaurant in National City with my great uncle Walt, and we ate all the food in the restaurant! The owner had to run to the store and buy more food! I also remembering eleven of us piled into Dad's Ford Galaxy convertible, going through the Jack-in-the-Box drive-thru and ordering something like 44 tacos! Or all of us filing into church on Sundays. I think we should have all burst into song like the Von Trapp Family or something! *Doe, a deer, a female deer, etc.* Anyway, I wish I could be there today with all of you. Valorie, you've been wonderful about keeping Chris and me up-to-date this past week. I'm so glad Caroline and Colin have been with you guys, and that you'll be staying there, Colin. Valerie, count yourself lucky for not having to talk to me by phone, Chris has a little more "control" than me. I'm afraid poor Brian had the unfortunate task of calling me and giving me the news about Caroline. (Sorry Brian, I wasn't exactly a "rock" but it was good to grieve with someone I love.) I love all of you guys - Matt, I haven't seen you since you were just a little tyke (I still remember "moonie-coonie oink oink" - you'd better remember that because I'll look insane if I'm just putting that in a message to you out of the blue); Pat, I don't even remember the last time I saw you, but I loved talking to you on the phone that one night when you were at Caroline's; Anne, I miss you too - you know, my boys Kevin and Bryan were really young when we moved up to Washington, but they still remember going to your house and Scott making breakfast for them. I remember Meghan and Becky, but aren't they still little? I hear Meghan's married? I guess it's been quite a while since I've seen you! So, Phil and Brian, I'll probably talk to you soon? If any of you guys ever get a notion to call me or Chris, my number is (931)648-1250, and Chris's is (931)906-5874. I'm probably going to be here until I graduate (yes, Chris and I went back to college! Junior college, but college nevertheless). It's been really… unusual using my brain for a change. My son Kevin (18) is living in Aberdeen but works at the Olive Garden in Olympia if anyone is in that area (Anne, are you still in Olympia?). Anyway, I told him to not be surprised if a sister and/or brother pop in on him some time. He's actually cooking in the kitchen there. I'm not sure I've ever even seen him make a sandwich, but he seems to like cooking. I hope to move back up to Washington with my other son Bryan (he'll be 17 this week) wants to move back there really bad too. I just need to graduate, get a little experience at medical transcription (Health Information Technology is my major), and then I can pretty much work anywhere from what I've been told. Seattle sure sounds good to me! Valorie said we can have a get-together when I get up there for a visit (maybe next spring or summer?). I think we need to do that. It's unimaginable that Caroline won't be there. I feel like part of my heart has a big hole torn in it knowing she's gone (although she'll always be in my heart, I just can't believe I won't be able to pick up the phone and discuss E.R. and other worldly matters). I love you all, stay in touch with each other, because we only get one chance to live on this earth. Phil and Brian, I would have called this week, but I'm still trying to grasp this whole situation. I guess I just always thought Caroline would be there, it never occurred to me that she wouldn't. I have a special song Valorie said she'll play for me and it's dedicated to Caroline. It has a bit of a background from a couple of episodes of E.R. Caroline will know why and smile - I hope you get a chance to hear it and listen to the words. It's really important to me. God bless and watch over all of you. You all mean so much to me, and with the exception of Caroline, Brian and Phil, I haven't told you that and I want to make sure that you all know it. You know, even if you don't hear from me, I still know all of your birthdays! So, happy belated Pat, and one to you too Matt next month! Love, Jacquie |